Christmas

Christmas:

It is a time to remember and celebrate the gift of life that we have been given through the birth of our Savior.  Christmas is one of my favorite times of year but it is also a bittersweet time for me. I love the lights and how they remind me that the light of the world came down into this dark world and how we must shine that light of hope to others. 

The lights also remind my of the Christians in prison camps in China making those lights and of so many who are suffering around the world.

It can be a time of joy and hope but also full of past memories of loved ones that are no longer with us. A time to savor the precious new memories of new lives that are here this year discovering the amazing gift God sent out of love. Yet there are still memories of those precious little lives still waiting to discover Christmas.

This year as we prepare for Christmas we can see how God has been changing our hearts and lives over the past year. Last year we were praying and waiting for our gift to come home and this year we get to watch our gift discover the greatest gift.

We love decorating the Christmas tree with special memories. This year we had 3 little trees, one for each child to decorate anyway they liked.

Cargan was so excited to buy lights for his tree. He wasn't sure what all would happen but as decorating began he realized the others had ornaments for their tree. He was concerned what he would do. We assured him that we had special ornaments for him. His face lit up as he saw the Chinese ornaments and also his special dolphin.

 The most precious part of it all was what he wanted to put on top of his tree. He went off to make “Jesus” to put on top of his tree, not baby Jesus but “big Jesus because it is His party”.

Pierson was such a sweet big brother; he graciously shared ornaments with Cargan so he would have plenty on his tree.

Pierson was excited that he had his own tree this year and was determined to do it all by himself. He is the big brother now.

  

Sarah my creative one loves children and loves China and her tree spoke volumes to who she is. She decided she would make a prayer tree. 

She found pictures of children who still need families and made prayer cards and decorated her tree with people to pray for. She also made sure Cargan had all he needed for his tree.

As Christmas is quickly coming we keep looking for ways to point us to the meaning of Christmas. I just saw a great idea in a magazine to make a paper chain and put someone to pray for on each loop. I loved the idea but was having trouble deciding who to put on. There are so many we could be praying for but the Lord put on my heart all the families going to pick up their precious children this month. What an amazing Christmas gift to finally hold that child they have loved so long from afar. As you hold each of your children this Christmas remember how much God loved us and sent his greatest gift of love from afar so what we could know his abounding love so deeply now. May this Christmas find you celebrating and sharing God’s gift of love- Jesus.

Forever Family

This week we crossed the 6 month mark. So much as happened, we have traveled through so many developmental mile stones in such a short amount of time. It has been a hard but incredible journey. As we celebrated Thanksgiving we had so many new things to be thankful for, one being family. God has reshaped our family and blessed us so much with another gift of life. Cargan brings so much joy to our family. It has been a huge adjustment but things are beginning to settle and feel a little more normal. We have been taught so much through this journey. It has made us understand on such a greater level about how God has adopted us into His family. I still can not humanly understand how a perfect amazing God would choose me a very sinful selfish person to be a part of His forever family. I am so thankful He did and that He loves me and I pray that His love will be seen through my son’s eyes as we love him into our forever family. When Cargan was asked what he was thankful for he immediately said “God and Jesus Coming” I was really taken aback as I thought it would be food, family or something more concrete. God is so at work in him. What a precious gift I have been given to watch a child discover the greatest gift in the world- the love of a Savior. It brings me to tears to think of how much God loves each precious life, so much to being them across the world to learn of His everlasting love.  

Pray for those who still wait. Who wait to know what love is. Who wait to be a part of a forever family. 

5 Months!! Such a Special Journey

            Today 5 months ago we touched ground in the USA and our precious son became a US citizen. So much has happened in these past months. It is so amazing to watch a child grow and change so quickly in such a short amount of time. He spoke no English and is now speaking in sentences. He walked up on his toe and is now walking flat footed. He did not use his left hand and now he is moving all his fingers and using his hand. He had no concept of what a family is and now understands that he belongs to one. He never had heard of Jesus but now knows that He is someone who can help him and love him and is always with him. God is not only transforming his life but also ours.

            As I sit in many doctors offices and look at all the people God created, He has opened my eyes again breaking my heart for those our society so often forget about. Those who have physical or mental challenges that we label as special needs are often overlooked. God is helping me remember these precious ones. They are special! They are such precious people who God loves and blesses others through. This week God blessed us with opportunities to share His love. One was just in the grocery store where a man in a wheelchair was trying to get something out of the freezer section. I was able to help him. Later in the store we saw him again and I looked him in the eye and smiled and said have a great day. You could tell by the look in his face he was so encouraged that someone acknowledged him as a person. That look still breaks my heart. There are so many who are lonely and hurting.

             Another blessing was a little boy that is wheel chaired bound and can not speak. He has aqua therapy at the same time as Cargan. This precious little boy lives in a facility that cares for kids with needs. God broke my heart again that this little boy does not have a family loving on him everyday. As I shared with the kids all I had learned, Sarah went into action. She had made some Huggable Hearts before for a little girl battling cancer and had wanted to make more. So, she and Cargan who also loves crafts went off to make a Huggable Heart for this little boy. They made a card with the song Jesus loves me pinned to it. Cargan tries to understand everything around him and usually is not very quiet about things that are different about people. Today I saw such compassion and understanding. It was so amazing to watch him love on a stranger. He could not wait to get to the pool today to give this little boy the pillow. The joy in Cargan’s and this little boys faces were priceless. It was such a picture of the love of God being shared between these boys. God is so amazing he is transforming lives right before my eyes and what a sweet blessing to be called into this whole new special journey.

So blessed to be their Mama!

What has been happening???

I can’t believe it has been almost a month already since the last post. Things have been a little crazy but so good.  Cargan has a tight heal cord and walks up on his toe or I can say now he did!! We have been traveling to CHOP every week to have a new cast put on for the past 5 weeks to stretch his heal cord so he can walk flat on his foot. He has been such a trooper but by cast 4 he was trying to get the doctor to tell him how many more! 2 weeks ago he said this was the last one. Cargan let out a huge YAY!!! The doctor put a temporary cast on until his brace comes in 4 weeks (ugh). Two more weeks to go!! We are very excited for Cargan. We have always tried to help him understand we love him just as he is. He is such a precious gift from God.  He is so proud and excited that he can walk flat. The smile on his face is priceless.  He is doing so well.

What next!

I had been asking for prayer about what to do for occupational and physical therapy. All the pediatric places had long waiting lists (6-8 months!).  Well God put every piece together. I started Cargan at Good Shepherd for OT and the wonderful secretary there suggested I try calling again at the pediatric unit in Allentown. I had been praying for weeks that the Lord would lead us to the right place. Well, I called to see where we were on the waiting list. It had only been 4 months so far.  She asked if he is in school. I said we have a flexible schedule with homeschooling and she said she could get us in right away!! This was right when we needed it with Cargan’s casting. I have been praying we would get some clarity on our situation as we have not gotten a clear picture from our doctor. We went to the first PT evaluation yesterday and WOW! Our PT therapist was outstanding. She gave me more information in 2 hours than we had gotten in months and picked up on needs that no one else had mentioned.  Cargan love it there. It is like a huge play area and he also gets to do some aqua therapy. He is so excited!! Please pray for us as we adjust again to a new schedule going to appointments and try to keep balance with our other two precious children, homeschooling and the home front. We are so thankful for God’s leading. He is such an amazing God. I had been really struggling with so much running, all the changes, and frustrations with dealing with 3 locations for his casting. I have spent so many hours trying to get answers. Satan was really hammering me and I was getting down.  I then read a blog from another adoptive mom just sharing the beauty of parenting all children and how God calls us as Christian’s to the hard. You can read more here http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2013/09/the-truth-about-my-life-adoption-and.html?spref=fb   It really helped me refocus on all the blessing I have in my hard days. What a privilege to be called to the Hard. What an amazing God that He is always right there with us through it all.

This is another beautiful post about being called.

http://feet2ourfaith.blogspot.com/2013/10/adoption-is-calling.html

Misunderstanding??

As I have said many times writing is not my gift and I feel I have had some misunderstanding in my last blog. Please know I did not write the blog below to make people feel bad or to feel the need to apologize. I am sorry if it made you feel that way. I wrote it to encourage people to examine what they are passionate about and who they are helping. I shared my heart to show the process God took me on to turn me from looking at myself to seeing the big picture of others in my home, right outside my door, and around the world who so desperately need the love of Christ. We are in a spiritual battle. I pray God will show each of us what He wants us to do and that we have the courage to do it. ( Because it is usually hard J)

Passion and the Broken Hearted

There are times when I still can’t believe Cargan is really here in our home and times when it feels like he has always been a part of our lives. I am so thankful for this gift God has given me. The child I prayed for over 5 years is really here. God stretched me at times to breaking points to completely trust Him and only Him during those 5 years. I thought that was hard but then during the process and transition he took me through one of the loneliest walks I have traveled so far.

 I have found it is hard today to find others that are passionate about what God is passionate about. I think it is hard because especially in America we have so many things that are so important to “us” and Satan keeps us so busy with those things. Many times God challenges me and I need to stop and ask is this really important? How is it helping the Kingdom grow? I keep hearing how the body of Christ is suppose to work together to reach others for His kingdom but I wonder sometimes what are we all really doing, including myself. I am not just talking about a church but all of us that claim to be Christians. I found that those I thought would come around us on this journey were sometimes there or not there at all. God blew me away time after time when he used complete strangers or people I had not seen in years that stepped in the gap to touch a child’s life. (Teaching me that His plan will go forth)  I know it was God’s plan to use those moments to share what He was doing with those strangers and would teach me even more about this later, but where was the body? Honestly this really shook my faith at times but God was so faithful and kept revealing each step of this incredible miracle.

I really think that Satan is on a mission to make us think because we stand together in a building and sometimes smile at each other or even give our time doing something good that we have connected as a body. Why do I feel more connected with other Christian woman who have adopted that I have never met and only spoken to, than people I see each week. I think it is because we have a passion and a heart for one area of God’s heart. I know that not everyone is called to adopt but there are so many ways to help and there are many things God is passionate about that he commands us to do. Are we doing them?  I feel it is the passion for Christ, not necessarily the specific area that connects us.  A former pastor use to ask “What are you passionate about?” We are all passionate about something. Our time and money usually can reveal what it is. Are you passionate about what God is passionate about????? 

 A few years ago I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His. He has broken my heart and given me a passion for the children He has created that do not know the love of a family. I wept and prayed for these children before I went to China and after being there my heart breaks even more for ALL that still remain there. This trip was life changing in so many ways. My heart is so burdened by this (I still cry every time I think of them) and I pray the Lord will show me what I can do to help. I just cry out to the Lord and I am praying and trusting God to use our family to somehow touch these little lives for His Kingdom.

This road has been lonely. God has been teaching me that even when others around you are not passionate about the same thing, to keep sharing your passion for what He has put on your heart with others who do not know Him because then they will see Him. This road has been lonely because I was looking in the wrong places hoping other believers would come around and support me in this journey but once again I am humbly taught it is not about me but about reaching those around me who do not know Him yet. That is why He kept bringing strangers into our lives to help so they would hear all about what He was doing. As the Bible says it is a narrow road. So, I put on my armor and hang my light on the hill and pray many will not see this weak broken Mama but an almighty God who loves and saves for when I an weak He is strong.

 As I held my son tonight weeping from a broken heart, God reminded me in my exhaustion that these daily battles are for a soul for eternity. Please pray that God will show me how to use my broken heart to help heal the broken hearts of children waiting to know His love. There are so many more who need to be held and learn about His FOREVER LOVE! What will we do about it????

Reflections

At the end of this week we will cross the 3 month mark for arriving home with our precious son. As I sit and reflect today on all that God has been teaching me through this adoption, many things come to mind with so many mixed feelings. My heart is full of emotions I guess it is kind of like after pregnancy when all you hormones are changing. Waiting through the process, all the papers, all the forms, all the fundraising and the long physical journey to China was exhausting and challenging but it taught us to have lots of patience which we would need on the other side when we got home. During that long wait (5 years praying) and another year in the process God also builds a love that goes so deep for a child you have never met. It is hard to explain but that love is built day by day while you wait and wait developing again a deep love to carry you through the transition home. Then all of a sudden all you had dreamed of is in your arms and he doesn't understand a word you are saying and looks in your eyes searching for what is to come. We were blessed with smiles when we met but it is not always that way. Our son has done extremely well transitioning but it has also been hard. I think many on the outside think that when you bring an older child home they will just blend right in and life goes on. In ways that does happen but there is also so much more. Just the normal things of adding a new child to the family takes place even when they are older but there is so much more to learn. How does a family work, language, love, respect and how to interact with others plus all the past history that you don’t know about that can influence so many current situations. These things take so much time and struggle to grow through. Normally as an infant so much of this is learned gradually as you age but for us it is like having a toddler in a 7 year old body going through developmental stages each week. This is very challenging but yet so beautiful at the same time. It is amazing to watch God work and teach and grow in such huge leaps in such a short amount of time. I hear often that adoption is not for the weary. Many times it is said in the waiting period but God uses that time for preparing for what is ahead. Just as raising any child is hard and at the same time the most amazing journey so is adoption. Watching God graft a child into a family and teach them about His love is one of the most incredible gifts I have been given. I am so thankful for those who have stuck by us when we returned trying to be there and understand what is still hard for us to understand at times. I pray they will also glean from God’s blessing on this incredible journey. We are so thankful for each day He has given us together as a family. 

VBS

We just finished a week at VBS. It was a long week with many late nights but it was amazing!  All the kids loved it and had a lot of fun. It was an incredible week for Cargan. I wasn't sure if it would be too over stimulating, but he did great. He was so excited to go each night and couldn't wait to get to his class. All week long during the singing he would just sit and watch. He wouldn't even stand up with the other kids. Last night was the highlight of the week. Cargan had been studying every move and word. At singing time he was in the isle signing and doing every motion. He had us all in tears. It was priceless. God is working in this boys life! Here is a clip of him singing.

August 1st, 2013

August 1^st is a special day in our house. One year ago today we sent a pack of papers to China requesting to be Cargan’s parents. It was also a special day because we were requesting it on his birthday. Now a year later we are able to celebrate his birthday with him! It was a precious celebration. He was so excited to be having a party. He counted down the days. What he didn’t expect was all the presents. My mom arrived first and set out her 2 presents. He was amazed there were 2! He cautiously looked at them wondering if they were for him. He asked if he could open one. I told him after everyone arrived he could open one. We set out ours then more were set out when other family members arrived. As soon as the last person arrived he pulled me to the presents asking to open one. Pierson gave him the gift he had gotten and Cargan was thrilled. He went off to play a little with his new toy and then came and pulled me aside. He took me to another room shut the door and with those sweet eyes put up 2 little fingers. He was motioning asking if he would be aloud to have one more present. I explained to him that after we ate “noodles” (his favorite) for dinner he would open up all the presents. He was so excited and began jumping up and down yelling “Yay” . We had a beautiful first Birthday celebrating with family. Here are a few of the highlights. 

Eating noodles.

Not too impressed with the clothes in the bag but he liked the hangars.

Captain America ...

but Superman is stronger!

First Birthday wish.

             We are so thankful for our precious boy God has so graciously grafted into our family. 

Wrapping up the trip!

Well it is almost the end of July and that will mark two months that Cargan has been home. There is so much happening each week that I would like to share so I will wrap up our trip.

While waiting for paper work to be finished that first week we went to the zoo. We enjoyed seeing various animals but we did not get to see any pandas. The boys enjoyed driving the carts around the zoo.

At the end of the week we got our papers and we were ready to travel to the next province before heading home. This would be Cargan’s first time on an airplane. He was so excited and couldn’t wait. He was not happy when the plane was delayed but we finally made it on the plane and we were on our way.

The second week was full of paper work, medicals and a little bit of shopping. We ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant almost every night.

 We did make it to the Safari but it was extremely hot. The coolest spot that day was in the panda exhibit where there is air for the pandas. We were excited we got to see pandas.

Cargan also had his first ice cream cone.

After a long 2 weeks we were ready to come home.

YAY! No more squatty potties. (not all of them were this clean)

We were so thankful we had a direct flight from Hong Kong to Newark. This was a precious moment. Cargan had been waiting for 2 weeks to go to America. He talked about it all the time. When the plane finally arrived he jumped up and down and told Peter, “I love you Daddy!”

SO thankful to be home and have another US citizen in our family!

Thank you for all your support and prayers!!!

The Orphanage Visit

We knew we would be visiting the orphanage but most times you go later in the week after meeting your child. The city where Cargan lived required us to do paper work there so we had to go to his city the very next day. It was an extremely busy and long day. We traveled over 1 ½ hours to his city with a child that had rarely ridden in a car and easily got car sick.

We went to the first office and completed paperwork. We then went to lunch in a small restaurant where you parked on the sidewalk.

After a quick lunch we went to visit the orphanage.

    

This is the lobby. It was colorful but silent. We did not hear a sound in the entire building. It was “nap time” but later when I talked with other families they said it is quiet because the babies learn early on that no one will come when they cry and they stop crying. It was a strange feeling to be in an orphanage that was silent.

Honestly I was not sure how I would handle this. I have heard so many heart wrenching stories and my heart breaks so easily. We knew Cargan was in a special program and there were only 5 children on his floor. We were able to visit with 2 of his friends and briefly saw the other 2.  This was a difficult and confusing visit for Cargan. He was very nervous and we had our guide assure him he was not staying. I feel God really spared me at the time (He would break my heart later for his lost children) and we really had a nice visit.

We were able to see his bed and meet his nanny (she had only been there 3 months).

We were able to see where he did his homework. He was in a program where the 5 children were able to go to school off site. This was a huge privilege and a blessing that he understands what school is already.  

We were told we could not take pictures of the children but then we were asked to share these two precious girls and see if we could find them families. We did find out that they did not have files prepared to be adopted yet. We were excited to be able to help. 

"HF"

"HM"

 After returning home I began emailing the orphanage about the girls to see when their files would be ready to share with others. God really began working in our hearts and Peter came to me and said he felt the Lord calling us to bring home the older girl “HF”.  I knew God was working a miracle moving our hearts to this again. I was scared as this was such a difficult process especially financially. We had used all we had and so did many friends and family. It looked impossible but it also looked impossible with Cargan and God worked a miracle. The one thing I have learned is that we have a God that does the impossible. Our hearts were so drawn to this precious girl. We asked our agency if they could help get information as I had not heard from the orphanage. Several weeks later we got a very unexpected answer. The girls had relatives and were not available for adoption. We were so confused as they were the ones who asked us to find families for them but at this time that is what we know. Our hearts are broken but what breaks my heart more is that these precious girls will not have the chance to know the love of a family and more importantly they will most likely never hear about the love of the Lord. My heart cries out that somehow someway they will hear about Jesus. Right now all I can do is surrender all.

Walmart in China

(sorry it has been so long. Our new life is keeping me busy! I will try to continue the story.)

Walmart in China

After we signed papers we left the office and headed to Walmart to get a few things for Cargan. Walmart in China is an experience. It is on two floors and they have really cool escalators for the carts. 

It was a little overwhelming for Cargan as there were so many things. We got some snacks for him a few new shirts. We paid and headed back to the hotel. We ate in the room.Our guide had recommended this porridge for him. He loves it!. 

We then went swimming. He loves the water and had fun with the water guns we got at Walmart.

I still can't believe I am holding my son!

We showered had dinner. He ate noodles, corn and rice. He loves milk. He just ate and ate.

Back at the room we played a game of UNO. He is picking up things very quickly. He loves games, especially if he wins.

 We also played the game trouble. Every time he landed on Daddy’s piece and sent him back he would say “sorry Baba.” It was so cute. They had so much fun!

He had his first bath. He was not to sure about the bubbles but Pierson showed him it was ok. They had a blast in the tub.  He can even say Pierson’s name already.

It was time for bed. He wanted all the lights out and he went to sleep. He wiggles a lot but he slept through the night!    I still can't believe he is really here! What an absolute miracle from an Amazing God!