There are times when I still can’t believe Cargan is really
here in our home and times when it feels like he has always been a part of our
lives. I am so thankful for this gift God has given me. The child I prayed for
over 5 years is really here. God stretched me at times to breaking points to
completely trust Him and only Him during those 5 years. I thought that was hard
but then during the process and transition he took me through one of the
loneliest walks I have traveled so far.
I have found it is
hard today to find others that are passionate about what God is passionate about.
I think it is hard because especially in America we have so many things that
are so important to “us” and Satan keeps us so busy with those things. Many
times God challenges me and I need to stop and ask is this really important?
How is it helping the Kingdom grow? I keep hearing how the body of Christ is
suppose to work together to reach others for His kingdom but I wonder sometimes
what are we all really doing, including myself. I am not just talking about a
church but all of us that claim to be Christians. I found that those I thought
would come around us on this journey were sometimes there or not there
at all. God blew me away time after time when he used complete strangers or
people I had not seen in years that stepped in the gap to touch a child’s life.
(Teaching me that His plan will go forth)
I know it was God’s plan to use those moments to share what He was doing with those strangers and would teach me even more about this later, but where was
the body? Honestly this really shook my faith at times but God was so faithful
and kept revealing each step of this incredible miracle.
I really think that Satan is on a mission to make us think
because we stand together in a building and sometimes smile at each other or
even give our time doing something good that we have connected as a body. Why
do I feel more connected with other Christian woman who have adopted that I
have never met and only spoken to, than people I see each week. I think it is
because we have a passion and a heart for one area of God’s heart. I know that
not everyone is called to adopt but there are so many ways to help and there
are many things God is passionate about that he commands us to do. Are we doing
them? I feel it is the passion for
Christ, not necessarily the specific area that connects us. A former pastor use to ask “What are you
passionate about?” We are all passionate about something. Our time and money
usually can reveal what it is. Are you passionate about what God is passionate
about?????
A few years ago I
asked God to break my heart for what breaks His. He has broken my heart and
given me a passion for the children He has created that do not know the love of
a family. I wept and prayed for these children before I went to China and after
being there my heart breaks even more for ALL that still remain there. This
trip was life changing in so many ways. My heart is so burdened by this (I
still cry every time I think of them) and I pray the Lord will show me what I
can do to help. I just cry out to the Lord and I am praying and trusting God to
use our family to somehow touch these little lives for His Kingdom.
This road has been lonely. God has been teaching me that
even when others around you are not passionate about the same thing, to keep
sharing your passion for what He has put on your heart with others who do not
know Him because then they will see Him. This road has been lonely because I
was looking in the wrong places hoping other believers would come around and
support me in this journey but once again I am humbly taught it is not about me
but about reaching those around me who do not know Him yet. That is why He kept
bringing strangers into our lives to help so they would hear all about what He
was doing. As the Bible says it is a narrow road. So, I put on my armor and
hang my light on the hill and pray many will not see this weak broken Mama but
an almighty God who loves and saves for when I an weak He is strong.
As I held my son tonight weeping from a broken
heart, God reminded me in my exhaustion that these daily battles are for a soul
for eternity. Please pray that God will show me how to use my broken heart to help heal the broken hearts of children waiting to know His love. There are so many more who need to be held and learn about His
FOREVER LOVE! What will we do about it????
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