Waiting from Struggle to Strength

Honestly I don’t know how to put into words all that is going on in my heart. I am truly feeling all mixed up inside and struggling to sort things out. We never had planned on being on this huge financial journey but the Lord put pieces together and asked us to walk in faith. I clung to the verse. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” And we stepped in faith. I have learned that not all those steps go as planned or as expected but that God is the one who is always there. When I look at that verse, faith is being sure of what we hope for. I have to ask what have I been hoping for? After watching story after story of God doing amazing things and moving mountains to provide for others adoptions, what is one to think when things just happen in baby steps and you just keep walking in faith hoping. I have found that I have to be careful not to put my hope in other stories because when you look there it can lead to doubt when things don’t go as planned but I have to come back to God’s truths. He created me and does love me. He is love and he does care about our every need. In October in Honduras we shared a video about George Muller. It was in Spanish but the one English word that would be repeated was George Muller. He was a man of faith who prayed for his needs. As I look back on this journey of selling, crafting, fundraising and doing so many things trying to raise the funds needed I am exhausting working to bring our son home. I have come to a point where God has reminded me to “Be still and know that I am God.”  He has been continually calling that verse to me over the past 5 years and this past year I sometimes wonder if I have been doing things again because I thought it was what I was suppose to be doing or if it is what God wants me to be doing. George Muller’s life story of prayer has come into conversation several times the past few months and again just recently. As I had been pondering on all this wondering if I am to be still and only pray fervently as George Muller did there appeared an envelope in my mailbox with no name attached filled with money for our adoption. Is this what I am supposed to be doing? I honestly don’t know. I thought God was asking me to be humble and ask others to help but maybe I was wrong maybe He is suppose to do the asking. Like I said I am all confused right now as to when you are to say something and when you are not and when to just pray so from now on I think I will just be praying. He knows our needs and I will continue to pray and be still before my God.

George Muller (1805-1898) was an English evangelist who founded orphanages in Bristol.  He trusted God for his daily needs to feed the orphans.

“God’s plan is there shall be none of self and all of Christ. The very people who are doing the most for God in saving souls, in mission work, in the care of orphans, are those who are working on short supplies of strength, of money, of talents, of advantages, and are kept in a position of living by faith and taking from God, day by day both physical and spiritual supplies. This is the way God succeeds and gains conquests over His own people, and over the unbelief of those who look on His providences.” - George Muller

I wrote the above a few nights ago and have been wrestling still with so much in my heart. Tonight as I went to Bible study and God gave me the words to understand and sort through it all. It was all about waiting and I have been doing a lot of that. Waiting for paperwork, waiting for funds, waiting for fundraisers, waiting for more paperwork, waiting for phone calls, and most of all waiting for our son!  Honestly these past few weeks I have been so discouraged, so exhausted and under attack in so many areas. I really felt at my breaking point or as Beth Moore said tonight. I thought my head would explode!. She then began talking about the Isaiah 40:31  but those who wait upon the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

^{I know this verse but today after all the waiting there was a lesson to be learned. The verse says to wait upon the Lord!  We loose our strength when we are waiting upon the event or thing such as waiting for papers, funds, even waiting for our son. It becomes exhausting and we loose our strength but when we wait upon the Lord we will renew our strength. We will soar, run and not grow weary. Thank you Lord for loving me so much to keep reminding me that even when I am doing good things I need to always be waiting upon you!}